Hey guys, haven't been posting for more than 1 year. Asking myself that question. Do my life sucks? Or Am I sucks at my life? Passion?? What are my passion..?? I haven't find an answer out from the question mark.. 'My life seems to be a little better......' I wish I have the guts to say it out loud I do have high expectation of myself but I always do things at the last minute. Wish to have some changes of my life, but to no avail.... I give up??? I am not sure..... I just know that I'm no good at my life.... I went to a polytechnic and it's really like a dream come true Have been struggling to climb up to the top, and yes!!!! I succeed.... I was so enthu for my second mountain that I climb it with many perseverance... It's a great start!!!! My first semester was pretty well.... However, after a long break, when the second semester started I'm slowing down... Pushing myself closely to death..... No aim no nothing..... I can never get things right..... My studies are falling downwards...... The things which demoralized miie more was that I am always careless An easy job will ended up being the stupidest thing I have ever done.... For example, I accidentally misplace my friends prepaid card.... I can't stand my self like that anymore..... Kelvin you are a worthless piece of shit..... You don't deserve to be in this world.... I'm not over reacting.... I am just disappointed..... Kelvin let miie ask you a question...?? What is your dream?? .......................... Can't answer it right???? Go dig it out man!!!!! I felt so lonely yesterday that I suddenly have the urge to clean up my house.... I was sitting there, scrubbing the floor..... The more I scrub, the more I felt I'm useless.... I can't control myself, I can't stop myself..... I'm getting insane........ My life are getting colour less now..... Kelvin you have to find some paint to brighten it up.... You are a nobody now....... Time for miie to sleep now...... Night everyone....
miracle that will post about that great friends of mine
after hearing my past especially my character.. make miie realise that i have change a lot... won't blame anyone or my past experience... maybe those are the things which change miie... being 18 really made miie think a lot... then scared this and that... my past has given miie lots of pressure thats why i want to work hard to achieve what i don't have now.... not expecting much from others.... but myself..... life is unfair..... im born in a middle weath family... that 'Yin ying' has make miie realise that i have to be............. haha sounds stupid... thats why don't want to say whats that... i use to be a person who do things without thinking... that is why i always make ppl fed up.... now im thinking a lot, make miie into a diff person.... or you can say its a scarycat..... i looking forward to see a better miie..... sometimes really have a lot of pressure.... why can't i have this? why can't i have that? why can't i earn the things i want.... really very pressure.... all this pressure make miie so pathetic and useless.... :) yah im useless now..... i want to make a change in my life.... i want to have my own target..... so thats why people will now comment on miie..... my LLA teacher first ask the class "What do you expect yourself to wear or live 20years later?" then ask him whether "can i don't answer it......" he ask "Why?" i say "i don't dare to think...." in the end, he say..... "You fear for your future" i was speechlesss..... he is true.... to think of it..... i am really afraid of my future..... its really very scary..... i don't even dare to think how much i wanna earn in future.... i am afraid..... my fear...... you can ask miie to do anything...... but if something which relates to my future.... i "DON'T DARE" to do it......... i needa be strong.... keeping secrets?????? like father, like son..... several precaution i have made to prevent things from happening.... i know myself.... i know what kind of person i am..... i need to change my bad habit..... hm....really ridiculous to expect others to do things..... its my own business and i can't drag others down with miie..... she is very happy now..... glad to hear from it..... i want to work now..... work as much as i can...... my path is still quite far away.... my goal is still nowhere to be seen.... need to work hard now....... change myself... stop myself..... honestly, i hate myself....... her words make miie think a lot too... its still not the time yet..... i still have tons and lots of things to do..... :) i will become a more mature person... know whats the priority...... bye bye KELVIN~ feel like hearing this song.....
i have die again... i feel so terrible now... i want to cry now.... but i can't.... hm.....don't know what will happen next.... and ya...there isn't any 'fair' things in this world... but......can anyone tell me that..... when you all are steading with ur bf and gf..... can you feel that, the other parties love you and cherish you a lot???? ya i mean 'the feelings'..... why????? why??? i don't have the feelings.... even there is.... how come the feelings will lose wan lei??? im having a bad headache now... can someone enlighten miie???? i want to sleep forever..................
don't know how to react now...... i feel so guilty......very sad..... i wish nothing will happen.... and everything will be forgotten.... hm.....i hope nothing will happen and plus nothing will happen i promise that this is my last time..... no more.... god bless..... thx~ hm.....toaday i very sad... saw a message from someone that i have never talk to very long ago... the message really make miie very emo.... don't know what to say..... hm.....in this world there is 4 person(excluding my family) that i cherish a lot... hm....... 1 of it is Sharon... my current stead..... hm....really have a lot of feelings for her.... but i don't know whether is it i ask too much... because sometimes the way she acts, i don't feel that she mean her words.... in the other words, she didn't have any action to prove that her words are true.... haiz.....hm.....i don't what to say le..... nvm....the other 3 person, i won't say who are they... but i will post videos. each video represent 1 of them....enjoy tc...
This video was indirectly introduce by the person to me....
We use to listen to this sound together....i love it a lot...hm.. its my fault. i make the mistake. i really regret le. but there is no turning back now. She have the most cute personality and have a really kind heart. She can blame herself when its not her fault. And she cried before, when she saw a helpless cat, as she say she can't save it..was wondering when can we meet up again...lets fate make the decision ba.....seeya~
we are a stranger even though we know each other. Really memorable on the process we become friend. but i got nothing to say. at least i am able to look forward for the negative things happened... *Smile* -End-
hm......i invisible to her.... she can't see miie all the time... trying my best to let her see miie but she just didn't see miie.... im very tired now.... i don't care what her past is like..... i only care what our future will be like.... the more i chase, the faster your footstep goes..... there is really a barrier between us..... im really wanna to get rid of it.... but why do you seems that you don't care.... i know im selfish to you and i didn't put myself into your shoe.... but how about miie lei???? did you put yourself into my shoe??? did you bother to us 'what has happen to miie????' a relationships needs 2 parties to stabalise it.... im really very tired now.....trust miie...i am really going to collapsed 1 day.... why don't i deserve a second chance???? do i really have to be "sentense to death" once i did something wrong???? i want to make a change...... but can you let miie know what you are thinking???? don't push miie away when im always trying to know more about you..... christian and non-christian is definitely not one of our problem.... its just you....... do you wanna to continue this relationship ma???? the choice is up to you to decide..... hm.....nevermind then...... since your friend has given you so many suggestion.... i won't force you anymore.... you happy jiu hao.... 'Follow your feelings ba' i want you to live happily..... because i (change the 'I' to 'O') you... if i really can't make you to 'LOVE' miie happily.... i will then want you to 'LIVE' happily 2 more days to the answer~ -tc-
hm..... bai sei qing ren jie(the white valentine's day) have past hm.....expect something to get in return.... at least a bad news also can... but i got nothing... hm....nevermind ba.... we can't expect something that is unable to come true... hm....this only make my mind more clear.... hm.....this may not be a bad things too..... maybe i will be better.... 'you ying pi you guo' hm.....we will see ba.... by the way, TP & SP has rejected my DAE application... so i still have 1/2 of the hope to get into poly.... hm....NVP & NP will be waiting for your reply... best wishes for you.......and good luck for your studies..... going to get ready for work now lolx....bye -end-
