Wednesday, October 7, 2009
Going crazy soon....
hi im back again...
hm....yes im going crazy soon....
its hard to pretend someone that you are not...
its hard to put up a smile when you are sad....
forcing myself to be happy
but in the end, i am making myself more sad.....
hmm......ya really don't know whats that.....
really want to ask but i can't....
its totally different from what i use to feel.....
hm....maybe i just think too much ba....
or its the truth as she is trying to give miie a answer indirectly....
really don't want to force anyone....
hm.....im so tired now.....
very tired....
but i have another fear.....
i fear to get on my bed and sleep....
because i don't dare to dream....
hm... didn't really sleep well for few days.....
but even there is time for miie to sleep, i choose not to.....
because do you know how scary it is.....
really don't know what i want now....
honestly i feel so fortunate that, the day before yesterday.
Because although i sleep for very long, but i didn't dream of anything...
thats so lucky of miie....
because i really scared to dream....
i was wondering should i sleep later.....
ya really very tired....
but please, if i really sleep
GOD....don't let miie to dream.....
haiz....its just like having a fade hopes all along......
I can really able to say those three words very seiously because i have really make up my mind le.....
but.......
its no point for miie to say now.....
lets see whether i have the chance again ba....
ya honestly although i say i have already let go.....
but.....*smile*
you are so jiaohwa....
you ran back to my my again...
haha.....really don't want you to suffer thats why
i have lots of words in miie doesn't want to say out.....
ya....maybe towards others im not competeable....
but i can say im another person that fall into your well(trap) very deeply....
if someone is as deeper than miie, haha maybe i will use hand to dig out all the soil that is below miie....
to make it deeper.....haha stupid i know..
someone ask miie..
"Why do you have to do that? Haven't you ever thought of climbing out?"
haha my answer will be.....
haha no point because the answer is easy....
haha 'i don't want to come out'
haha people call miie stupid, haha i just love being stupid....
maybe really got your hint le....
haha.....although i don't want that to be the truth.....
but i have to accept the facts....
nevermind there is lots of ways to love someone....
so i have found my way le.....
although its not the way i want....
but i do not have much choice or i don't have a choice le.....
hm....i can let go of you now....
its hurtful, but i will be strong....
and let all of your all guys to guess something...
theres a riddle for everyone of you....
haha see carefully le....
People say:
Letting go of you, 7 words to add in... haha readers make a guess ba....
haha because sometimes not everything can say it out de...
so lets guess ba....
enjoy...
-END-
Labels: a riddle for readers especially you my yi jian zhong qing...
Time: 11:56 PM
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
I ask too much....
hey im back again.....
hm...maybe its a boring post again readers...
hope that i didn't disappoint you all....
haha....
hm... today was a sleepy day for miie
really disappoint myself a lot today...
instead of going to khatib mac and study..
in the end,
i spent my 3 to 4 hours or time slepping...
haha so didn't really study much english today
haiz....
hm...exam coming my way in 2 weeks time...
got lots to prepare...
so hope that i still can make it...
hm...god bless me again....lolx
another topic(lolx):
hm....sometimes we have to act normally...
really get the picture quite clear now....
hm....i can feel that everything will be over when my O level is over..
so don't think there is a point for miie to stay up till so late le...
the word 'annoyed' is really a powerful word...
i can sense that too...
i can no longer be interesting again...haha....
i think its has really lost it le....
hm....don't know how to make another 1 out.....
hm.....haha really kind of speechless.....
but no matter what,
thats the truth....
you can't do anything
no matter how afraid i am, it will really have to come 1 day...
really a little 不舍得
haha like what i say in my previous post.....
船到桥头自然直。。。
但我觉得我的船已经无法动了。。
船已经沉入水里了。。。
现在再也不会有答案了。。。
因为我已经得到我的答案了。。。。
应该放手了。。
这样我就不会成为你的负担。。
那你也可以活得快乐许多。。。。
因为我喜欢看到你快乐的样子。。。
就让我自己承受这些吧。。。
当成是我的教训或暴饮吧。。。
这句话送给你：
只要笑一笑，这个世界才会更美好。。
如果我的伤痛和痛苦可以换来你的一笑，我觉得好值得喔。。。
.....TvT...
-end-
Labels: 不想成为你的负担，只想成为你的笑容。。
Time: 12:55 AM
Monday, October 5, 2009
hm...can't sleep....
hm...hi...
its damn late...or in other words it is very early....
haha still unable to fall asleep....
hm...maybe can say unable to sleep or scared to be asleep..haha....
don't like to dream now because when dream is over, everything will be going back to the normal way....
the truth is still the truth...
i can't run away from it.....
hm....later haveing english blk revision.....
but i was wondering do i have the energy to attend the lesson....
but most probably i got to....
o level is coming fast.....
this month is my O's le......
hm.... very scared.....wondering who can help miie to calm down...
kind of need some support in studies and mentally...
haha i was wondering can i reach my goal....
English: B4
A Math:A1
Science:A1
Chinese:A1
Humanities: most probably A2....
hm.....can i promo to Poly first year....
it will still remains as a Questin to all and miie until the release of O level Result
hm... will try my best too.....
god Bless miie.....
and lastly,
im looking forward everyday for miracles to come towards miie.....
please...miracles my.......
haha can't say again.....
wondering hows the life of her????
i can't ask because NO guts.....
doesn't want to disturb her.........
because im afraid things might go worst....
hm.. maybe we will lost contact for very long like we use to be....
half a year if im not wrong....
but in this time,
maybe 1
2
3
4
years maybe....
lets wait for miracles to happen although the chance in succeeding is very low.....
wonder what can i do.....
but i think there is nothing i can do now...
because its too late to regret......
hm.....thinking of it every single day even when i was studying.....
hm......lets see ba.....
船到桥头自然直。。。。
ya there is something for miie to share that is at the top haha
as i just get a photo...
so enjoy laughin ba because......
its looks funny to miie too....haha
haha im weird.....
In Additon,
and maybe not going to sleep today again le....bye....
-end-
Labels: scared to close my eyes...
Time: 4:48 AM
Sunday, October 4, 2009
waiting is miserable
hey im back with a very terrible feeling in miie
i am really very stress now
its miserable
what can i do?
i can't do anything
in my mind there is alot of 'What If'
'What if here'
'What if there'
What if......
i can't say out
i am very scared now
i don't want to lose it just like that....
im scared
very very scared
can anyone tell miie what is the right choice?
hm....
puzzle are fun
but being puzzled is not fun
as every bit and pieces are matching to form an answer....
its bad...
very very bad
i don't want it to come true....
but it is beyond my control
im feel so heavy now.....
how long do i have to be like this....
i don't want to lose it
because it really mean a lot to me....
i can sense that something bad is coming my way....
im scared
what can make miie to calm down?
what can i do to make myself calm down?
pulling my hair now....
not to make it spike...
but to get an answer from my mind
wanted to pull it out....
hw long do i have to tolerate with this pain and misery.....
really very scared...T.T......
this is the first time in my life i felt so frighten....
miracle or fate?
which one to choose?
i want miracle....
i don't want fate....
i want miracle to make us to be fated.....
because i really..............
cannot say here....
my mind is pulling myself apart now....
im going out of control soon...
please no matter what...
my mind plese stay cool and obedient...
let miie to control you please....
because i don't want to do something stupid.....
i once make a big mistake so i don't want to make that same particular mistake again....
Please endure to success.....
ENDURE!
to miie the mooncake that i eat just now is bitter(ku)
because im all alone celebrating the mooncake festival on my own....
i have no place to go...
because there is no place that can fix miie into it.
im just a extra......
WTF!!!!!!!!!
im going crazy soon......
please KELVIN...
'ENDURE TO SUCCESS'
-end-
Labels: crazy KELVIN
Time: 1:40 AM
Saturday, October 3, 2009
Can't sleep arh...
hey im back..haha again
hm...kind of bored because im still waiting....
but nevermind...
everyone have the time when they are tired....
so i can understand....
hm....in addition there is no reason for you to reply...
because you have a choice....
hm....sad a while only
but after that ok le....
hehe.....
hm... wondering what my future will be sia....
lolx....
hm....thinking a lot again
because i just finish watching the video on
'Fann Wong and Christopher Lee wedding'
haha interesting
they have their way to start their story...
kind of interesting
so must study hard now for my future
really scared that my future will be....
haiz....
really wish to live in a family which are
First: Happy
Second: Not very rich nor poor just 'normal Rich can le'
Able to support a family of 5 to 6 people(including me lah) im ok with it le
Third: United
hm... really have to work for it le...
haha target.....
the earliest for me to get married will be at a age of....
30!
haha but before that i have lots of things to do
have a lot of things to settle first
hm..my O level will be my priority...
second....haha maybe will share next time.....
hm...its a wish that i want it to come true as soon as possible
ya can say its miie 'Yi Xiang Qing Yuan' lah
hm...don't know whether if it is really a bad things, what will be my reaction????
will take times to calm myself down ba
or maybe work Daily....haha 15hr....
wah....
hm... will end here...
maybe i don't know whether should i make a miracle of my own or wait for miracles to come to miie...
temporary will be waiting ba....
later is celebrating of moodcake festival..
hope that someone can jio me go out, although im already going out with my friend lah....
but honestly, i can push it aside anytime
thats seem selfish to my friends.....
hm...just let miie be selfish for this time ba...
Will Be Waiting~
(just to add in, please don't be upset while reading my post. Im Sorry..)
-end-
Labels: Dreams and Wishes
Time: 3:55 AM
hey finally feel like blogging again
hm...lets start with the title of my blog ba
hm....o level is coming
24days for miie to catch up...
hm....i do have the mindcept that i am not able to promo my self to Poly 1 at Singapore poly
L1R4 14 points
hm....i feel that no matter how much revision i did, its no use
because i don't feel something is going into my mind
hm...going to rush now
and i don't know how long can i take the stress..
hm....
my Chemistry was like sucks....don't even know how to answer a simple question
how can i get a A1 like this??
every subject will hold me back from reaching my goal
Chines....i aim for a A1
but it seems like the target is going further away from me le
because i don't think i did enough practice
my friends the chinese is like improving
and im still going backwards...
sometimes i really envy and angry when they say something in chinese which i can't understand
i told myself, when i am slacking, try to remind myself the feeling when i got myself a C5 for my chinese GCE O Level
the feeling is terrible
but why am i still not improving
i did remind myself every single day
but it seems no use...i am still behind all my friend
English...ya i got a D7 for or E8 for my english during my Prelim..
really trying to buck up now
i don't mind to have any help from every direction
at least give me a C6 for it
although i aim for B4 lah....
haiz..Ber thanks for your tutoring
i will try my best
as i don't want to waste your afford and waste my time in Secondary school
really Stress
haiz....
Physics...
although i didn't fail my physics
but its not up to my standard
i aim for a A1
really have to memorise the notes le
A math....its kind of stupid for me
because i score 29/80 for my paper 1
then i score 75 /100 for my paper 2
hey KELVIN waht are you doing?
its really stupid for you to do that
A1 you know
A1!!!!!!!!
you bloody idiot better wake up..
hm...geography and social studies(humanities)
ya haven't even started
haiz...aim for a A1 but A2 also can lah...
attitude still like that...... hey KELVIN if you continue like that, you will suffer
in addition, you will disappoint your mum you know?
better wake up now...
although i tell myself this...
but eveyone have the time when they are weak
'I really need someone to support me mentally'
i want you to help me to cope mentally
i want to let you see when im weak
as i can only share with you that im weak
let you see
only you
because i hardly will show my true colours sometime...
No matter where are you now?
'I REALLY NEED YOU NOW!'
Can you give me a hand?
no only now
but forever....
i want to hold on to you and we can support each other when we face any probems next time....
haiz....ya its too late for me to say this now.....
Honestly nowadys i am listening to 2 songs....
ya only that 2 songs.....
i find myself a little too late to realise that the song is very nice and meaningful
ya...i love it now
thats why i am listening again and again....from daytime till night time
thats sound unbelieveable ba...
ya....
if you guys don't believe, just imagine i am a liar ba.....
guys..... and girls....
try to pay more attention things that are happening around you....
don't be too late to tell them that you love them....
because when the feeling is gone, no matter how many time you say that
it mean nothing to them....
People say:'Once a feeling is gone, its gone forever'
I don't want to believe this but there is no one i know including me
'Ever does it'
Is there any miracle?
Should i believe in Miracle or Fate?
from what i am doing now, i think its Fate for me ba....
haiz...im looking at my handphone now....
waiting for miracle to happen...
but the time is passing fast.....
but Miracle still haven't came to my doorstep....
I am waiting, waiting and waiting.
Really thought of being doing something at 10am, 11am and now....
but im afraid
i don't dare to be positve....
because
‘希望越高，失望越高’
haiz.....
I heard that...
上地制造水，是因为他们知道我们会渴
上地制造米，是因为他们知道我们会饿
上地制造爱情，是因为他们知道有我们这些白痴。。
ya i admit i am a idiot....
because i am already very stupid le
because something have make me become stupid....
get what i mean by that ma....?
my friends tod me to let go....
but its hard....
so should i hold on?
haiz....i really hope that there is really something i can do....
but it seems nothing
haiz...
Rumours are spreading around or to me...
all are negative lah...
honestly i don't believe them
if i do, i only believe half....
because........im stupid....what make me stupid lei?
haha...finally able to put a smile or a laugh here le....
I will be waiting for my phone....
Waiting and waiting for miracle to happen....
but hope that im not doing the wrong thing.....
and whatever i say here, if really feel offending or make you angry
'I Am Really Sorry'
in the end, i can't wait anymore le...
in the end, i pick up my phone and make my own miracle...
is that a wise choice?
no one can answer my question ba....
i bet its not....
because i am just
一厢情愿。。。
see!
how stupid i can be...
一见钟情我去年曾体验过，但我呢够在继续我人生的故事吗?
-end-
Labels: Downs of my life...about miracle
Time: 12:40 AM
